15 February 2005


I'm very glad I'm leaving San Francisco - it's suffocating and small and although diverse and liberal, quite provincial. It's time for more. I also hope to visit Scandinavia and other countries where faggots are wholly integrated into the culture just to see what it ACTUALLY feels like. I can't really imagine!! It's very bad for my health to have to try to become a man in a society that hates me. That's probably what causes AIDS, really: the psychological double bind of actively participating in a culture that oppresses me through institutions, medicalized fascism, and general stupid stupid hatred and fear is actively participating in my own suicide.

Things are better in Germany. Things are also "better" in San Francisco, but San Francisco is simply a ghetto for liberals and gays surrounded by a country of asshole fuckface morons who vote for Bush and support institutionalized discrimination, war, imperialism, and murder. In a ghetto or marginalized situation like this, self-created or not, they are given the illusion of freedom and being able to live one's life fully, yet they wander around wanting more and when they try to do that by leaving the ghetto, the margin, either physically, psychologically, or culturally, they are brutally reminded that they are not safe and might be violated, so they rush back to the margins, back to the ghetto. This ,aSan Francisco is the ultimate ghetto for sexual "deviants." They run around drunk or spun on speed like teenagers from bar to bar, flitting from culturally unverifiable and emotionally unstable relationship to another, from stupid job to stupid job, from anonymous city to anonymous city because they SIMPLY AREN'T PERMITTED TO LAND. I imagine that in the Netherlands EVERYONE cares for themselves much more than we do here, if we as a culture choose these sorts of behaviors and laws. (mind you, all of this is being said by a spoiled brat able to sell a Saab and just LEAVE.)

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