06 December 2003

THE DA VINCI CODE

Please force-feed me your rehashing of contemporary historical analysis of the questing of the Holy Grail, Dan Brown. Please mold the esoteric knowledge of secret orders and obscure theoretical discourse into a palatable movie for me to consume in a hungry state of suspense, Dan Brown.

Oh god, Dan Brown, please poke at my hole with your phallus of weltanschauung-shattering suppositions. Oh god, Dan Brown, lest not my entire identity, forged as it has been in this Christian world, be erased in your fogs of disillusionment!!

Oh god, what I believe - is it actually not true?!?! GASP! Au secours! Au secours!

or

Oh my god, we've been lied to the whole time!

or

Should I take the blue pill or the red pill?

or

How to turn a movie into a novel without having actually written the movie.


And I'm sorry, the characters were hardly characters, merely devices to move the plot forward. Disgustingly flat. Disgustingly.

That said, I sat at the edge of my seat the whole way through, wondering why they cast Angelina Jolie instead of Charlize Theron. And Mark Wahlberg instead of Paul Walker.

04 December 2003

MODERN BIRTH

MODERN BIRTH

Can we please eliminate the question "When is your baby due?" from our lives? No one knows the answer to this question.

Then, as a result of an approximation, a baby is either "late" or "early," depending on the occurrence of the actual birth event.

It's a stupid way of talking about it all. Babies are never EARLY or LATE. They come out exactly when they're supposed to.

I feel like we have to continually extract ourselves from the limits of science. Through science and medicine, we often place such strict and confining limitations on ourselves and what we believe is actually possible or will happen. It's bullshit, because we never EVER do.

We only have clever little approximations.

02 December 2003

ON PRIVACY

I think we need to reconsider the notion of 'privacy.'

Why, why, why have we grown to a place where there are things that bring us shame? This inherited pain, completely based in fear and judgement, is continually stifling the efforts of the world. Why are there things that we could absolutely never let our mothers discover for fear of being chastized or otherwise negatively treated? For example: What to do if your Mom discovers your blog...

I want to let go of all things that I feel I need to hide from other people - thoughts, habits, desires, movements - everything. Wouldn't that be grand? Embarrassment, guilt, shame: please evacuate the premises.

We feel ashamed, embarrassed, or guilty for that which we would shame, criticize, or accuse in others.

For example:

"Oh god, I can't shit just yet because there are still people at the urinal and they might hear the flapping flatulence of my sphincter and the sloshing of my shit or the spraying of my diarrhea. Heaven forbid!*"

- I only think this because when I hear the above phenomenon occurring while standing at a urinal, I think to myself "oh my! poor guy!" and just want to start laughing. ..but why poor guy? Why so bad? Why such need to privatize the functions of the body? Sex, shit, etc.? The confluence of space organizing and separating architecture and Christian values of purity/cleanliness affirm this fear, as do science and germ theory, both Western transpositions of those Christian values.

* Heaven forbids a lot of stuff and is therefore the source of a lot of stuff. Check yourself, everyone for relics of religion-induced guilt, shame, and embarrassment. Most of it comes from there, even if you're not religious at all - we live in a world where most values have been shaped by religious doctrine.